Monday, November 28, 2011

This week: Stetho-'scopes: The doctor is in.

Your recent feelings of foreboding can be attributed to a decline in health. To put it plainly: you have cancer. And, being a Cancer, you have Cancer cancer. That’s double cancer. That’s not astrology; that’s math. 

Fact: 9 out of 10 Pisces are assholes. Fuck you.
You will experience a mysterious feeling in the back of your brain. It's not a mystery; it’s malignant. Don’t get it looked at; no-one wants you around anyway. 
A sudden obsession with prog rock will lead to an obsession with trying to track down a good recipe for “brain salad surgery”. Do not follow this obsession! (I’m talking about prog rock. Don’t worry about brian salad surgery; it’s delicious!) A recent study in the New England Journal of Medicine has shown that the human psyche is only capable of hearing one 20 minute Moog solo per year before it will incur permanent damage. 

No comments:

Post a Comment