GEMINI
Last year seems like a disappointment, but that's ok. This year is a clean slate; a chance to put all last year's mistakes behind you...except the public masturbation incident...that's on record.
VIRGO
2011 was a year of milestones for you. Ride that high as long as you can; you can expect little more than crippling failure in 2012.
ARIES
You are concerned that there may be some truth in all the rumors about the Mayan calendar. Don't worry about that; those are just rumors. What you SHOULD worry about is why you are stupid enough to believe nonsense like that.
HEROIN
2012 is your year! You will finally be free of the burden of living up to unrealistic expectations after all your friends and family disown you due to your destructive behavior. Now, you will not have to worry about disappointing anyone, or ruining innocent people's lives through either the devastating heroin addiction you will develop, or all the ignominious deeds you will engage in in order to support that addiction.
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