Monday, June 3, 2013

This week: Back from the dead

You will go completely insane due to getting a song stuck in your head that, no matter how hard you try, won't go away. It will just keep playing over and over in your mind, to the point that it consumes all your thoughts. You will be unable to sleep. You will be unable to work. You will be unable to  maintain healthy human relationships. This one, otherwise harmless, song will be your end. Still, it's better than listening to Aerosmith.

You will fear your health is in danger after a disconcerting trip to the bathroom. Don't worry; it's just asparagus pee; it happens to everyone.

You will fear for your safety after being abducted by two-headed, homicidal space pirates. Don't worry; it happens to everyone.

You want a baby? Why don't you go knock up some willing hellhound!

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